That no one is really reading this blog, but I will keep posting anyway. Maybe when I am famous or die people will want to come back and read what I have to say, so I guess this is my virtual time capsule.
This journey is an amazingly fucked up trip. I have seen more dysfunction in the past month than I have ever been able to willingly admit in my life. I have taken to the blogosphere like a crackhead looking for a fix, up dating journels, chronicles and creating works of art. I have learned about tele which is the connection that you have on an energetic or spiritual level with a person. I realized that I have strong tele with a dead woman. In order to understand that you would have to go to my art blog.
In any case, this is a lonely journey of self discovery that I enjoy and hate and love all at the same time. I haven't seen a lot of New York, but I am getting to know a lot of me and well, I am complicated. I have learned how extremely unique and well down right abnormal my life has been. I have realized that I find racism to be funny, in a sick sad way. Not is a funny fart jokes kinda way. The you have to laugh to keep from crying, but the laughter is just enough to hide the blood from the knife wound. I have learned that I think in metaphors and pictures. I have learned that I will eventually and invariably learn to know and embrace my crazy.
I have insecurities too though, am I good enough? Have I done enough? Have I worked hard enough? Am I smart enough? Did I challenge myself enough? Did I try hard enough? And ultimately am I enough? I don't know. Some days yes and others well no. I realize that writing this blog for others is futile, but extremely cathartic for me, so I will keep on writing for no one or just one, Me.
No comments:
Post a Comment